In my experience, at least half of dating success is mindset. Simply put--your beliefs set the stage for everything else.
What I see when I talk to men who are struggling to attract the amount and kinds of women the want is that they have a lot of limiting thoughts in common. Today I want to run through a few of them and see what we can't do about changing how you think about the whole dating and relationship game.
1. If I get rejected it's because there's something wrong with me.
No, no, no and NO. If you get rejected it may be for one of a dozen reasons, only ONE of which is that you did something wrong. Most likely, though, it's one of the other reasons.
No, no, no and NO. If you get rejected it may be for one of a dozen reasons, only ONE of which is that you did something wrong. Most likely, though, it's one of the other reasons.
Now, look. I'm all about self-honesty. And if you're consistently failing to connect with women, then there's work to be done. But that's far different than jumping to the conclusion that you're hopeless, useless, worthless, weird, stupid, unattractive or any of the other labels you use to beat yourself up with after a woman gives you a no.
Getting turned down is just the price of admission in this game. And I'll let you in on a secret -- it happens to super attractive guys, too. The difference is that they they don't take it personally.
2. I'm a loser if I spend a Saturday night alone.
Your relationship status does not define your self worth. Having problems meeting and attracting women is no different, really, than struggling to learn any skill.
Your relationship status does not define your self worth. Having problems meeting and attracting women is no different, really, than struggling to learn any skill.
I'm no good at working with my hands. The dog literally hides when I get out my toolbox--that's how many temper tantrums I've thrown after wrenching on things and breaking them. Does it frustrate me? You bet. Does the fact that I'm no good with tools make me a loser? I don't think so.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that if I took a few classes, I could at least learn to be competent.
People are born with different skills, strengths and weaknesses. Some guys happen to be lucky at love. Some have to work a little harder at it. It's nothing to be ashamed of if you're one of the guys who wasn't born with that gift. As a matter fact most guys and girls... AREN'T.
You're not alone. You're not broken. You just need to polish up on a few things.
3. Women want someone more flashy and exciting.
This is such a load of BS. Don't let anyone tell you this. Sure, that's what SOME women want--mostly younger women who spend their time dancing in swanky clubs. But that's a very small percentage of the population. Go somewhere else and you'll find that women value and are attracted to very different things.
This is such a load of BS. Don't let anyone tell you this. Sure, that's what SOME women want--mostly younger women who spend their time dancing in swanky clubs. But that's a very small percentage of the population. Go somewhere else and you'll find that women value and are attracted to very different things.
Go hit a Sunday church service and you'll find women who want men with a strong spiritual core. Volunteer at a soup kitchen and you'll meet women who love men who want to give something back to humanity. Talk to a woman who just got out of a bad marriage to an alcoholic. She's had all the excitment she can take for a lifetime. Now she wants responsible and sober.
If you find yourself consistently running into women who want something that you're not -- it's time for a change of scenery.
4. All the best women are taken.
Nah. Listen, I married late in life. And I found a good woman who only needed someone who would treat her heart with care.
Nah. Listen, I married late in life. And I found a good woman who only needed someone who would treat her heart with care.
That's it.
Because every other jerk she'd dated looked at her sweet, trusting, forgiving spirit... and decided that she'd be easy to mistreat. Where others saw an opportunity to exploit, I saw intrinsic good. I treated (and continue to treat) those qualities with great care and respect... and because I do, I receive back far more than I give.
There are a lot of people--both men and women--out there who are like this. They're just waiting to meet the right person. Sometimes they just don't know how.
5. I can't compete with the other guys.
It's not a competition unless you're talking about hookups and one night stands. If it's a long term relationship you're after, then it's simply about finding the right woman for you.
It's not a competition unless you're talking about hookups and one night stands. If it's a long term relationship you're after, then it's simply about finding the right woman for you.
Do you see the difference? If you come to the table with the right skill set, then the kind of woman you want will be naturally attracted to you. You don't have to win a contest against another man. It's about matching yourself up with the right kind of women.
This is a subtle, but important change in mindset. What it does is focus your attention and passion on finding the right person instead of on competing for women as prizes.
When you get better at matching yourself up with the right kind of women, approaching and dating them becomes far easier because you've already eliminated most issues of incompatability.
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